Showing posts with label Arts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Arts. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Coming Attractions: Action Jackson (1988)

Film poster for Action Jackson - Copyright 198...Image via WikipediaComing up in episode #51 of Moviesucktastic, Joey and Scott weather the Carl Weathers vehicle Action Jackson, a sad and futile attempt of late 1980s filmmakers to recreate the gritty, hardcore magic of black exploitation cinema classics such as Richard Roundtree's Shaft, and make Carl "Expendable Co-Star" Weathers a leading man.

Don't let the carbon-copy James Bond movie poster fool you: Sgt. Jericho "Action" Jackson is no 007. No sir, this tough as nails Detroit cop doesn't play Blackjack and sip martinis, he plays dominoes and cracks open big cans of whoop-ass, all while spending as much time shirtless as humanly possible. The future city of Detroit might need a Robocop to protect it, but the only thing this modern day Motor City needs to stop the evil plans of Auto Magnate Craig T. Nelson (and do you really need a reason to want to see someone beat the living snot out of Craig T. Nelson?) is an Oh-No Cop, as in Oh No You Didn't! Or, as Action Jackson would say: "How do you like your ribs?"

On a positive note, this is probably one of the few films in which Carl Weathers doesn't die. (Does that qualify as a spoiler?)


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Saturday, August 13, 2011

The "Rape List" (Take Two)

Roman Polanski
Cover of Roman Polanski
When Joey and I decided to tackle the subject of rape in cinema for an entire episode of our podcast, Moviesucktastic, we knew that were were treading into sensitive areas. Otherwise, we wouldn't have begun Episode #38 with the rather silly disclaimer that neither of us were actually "Pro-Rape," and were covering the subject matter of rape in a cinematic context because, with all due respect, there are a lot of films, including well respected ones (we're talking Oscar nods here) that broach the subject. So, yes, we were expecting the possibility of some push-back.

But we hadn't been expecting it so quickly. As a sort of companion piece to the show, we posted a list of films including rape scenes that we mention in the episode on our Moviesucktastic Lunch Community page, hosted by Lunch.com. We have partnered with Lunch.com as an easy way to both get our reviews out in written format and allow our listeners to share their own film choices and reviews with us and each other, and we have had nothing but positive things to say about Lunch.com as whole.

And we still have nothing but positive things to say about Lunch.com, even after they chose to take down our list because of a Lunch.com user's complaint. Hell, we understand. Even though the list in know way promoted or trivialized rape (at least, no more than the films we discussed did), it was sure to offend somebody just out of its very existence. If Joey and I were actually making any kind of money off of Moviesucktastic, we'd have probably played it safe and not done the episode at all.

So, no hard feelings. In fact, the only real issue I had with Lunch.com over their removal of the list was their claim that its censoring was due to "sexually explicit material," of which the list contained none whatsoever. However, my displeasure with that was fully expressed in the polite email I sent them in response, and as far as I'm concerned, that's the end of that. Lunch.com is still a groovy awesome site, and the Moviesucktastic Community will remain there as long as they'll have us.

So, just to ensure that the time and effort expending on the list isn't wasted, and to share with those note offended when the word "Rape" is mentioned in regards to the narrative properties of cinematic entertainment, I hereby re-post for your enjoyment and perusal:

The Moviesucktastic "Rape Films" List

Serbian filmThis was the launching pad for the Moviesucktastic "Rape Episode," one of the most disturbing, depressing, and otherwise soul-scarring films you will ever see.

Flesh And BloodRutger Hauer gets down and dirty in a semi-consensual group-assisted rape scene, gaining extra style points for wiping Jennifer Jason Leigh's virginal blood on his shirt.

Sudden Impact (1983)The fourth Dirty Harry film, Clint Eastwood tracks down and ends up helping perpetual girlfriend and co-star Sondra Locke hunt down and exact vengeance I-Spit-On-Your-Grave-Style on the members of the biker gang that gang-raped her years ago.

DVD frontThe Devil did it this time, as an unsuspecting wife is systematically raped by the devil himself during a rather awkward Tenant's Board meeting. Ironically directed by Roman Polanski.

Movie posterCharles Bronson's wife and daughter are brutally raped during a home invasion featuring a surprisingly well-cast Jeff Goldblum in a Jughead hat. A film not to be found on New York City's tourism brochures.

Poster of the film.Charles Bronson's Daughter and Housekeeper are brutally raped and murdered by an LA street gang, dispelling the idea of escaping inner-city violence by simply switching coasts.

IrreversibleShaky-Cam Memento-style reverse narrative centered around what has to be the lengthiest and most uncomfortable rape scene ever. I dare you to make it through the entire scene without fast-forwarding.

Movie posterAbel Ferrara's charming little rape-revenge film, based upon the old adage that Hell hath no fury like a psychosomatic seamstress raped repeatedly in the same afternoon.

Raging BullRobert De Niro stars as a slow, abusive championship boxer with a penchant for statutory rape. Joe Pesci co-stars.

The Evil DeadTree-Rape. 'Nuff said.

Original Film Poster"Does Marsellus Wallace look like a bitch?" It's a good thing Jules never got a chance to ask Zed that question.

The Stendhal SyndromeOverrated Italian filmmaker Dario Argento writes and directs his own daughter's rape sequence. Let's see Francis Ford Coppola top that.

13: Monster
Monster (2004)Charlize Theron plays the titular lead character in this film based on the true story of Aileen Wuornos, the Daytona Beach prostitute that turned murdering her rapist johns into an entrepreneurial cash cow.

Poster of the film.Susan George's former boyfriend and his buddies do to her what Sam Peckinpah would later do to audiences with Convoy.

15: Frenzy
FrenzyFunniest Rape Scene Ever. Even Hitchcock's cinematic genius could overcome the rigid restrictions of the film censorship of the era. Also features the un-funniest Rapist Wrestles With Corpse Of Victim In Potato Truck scene ever.

Street TrashIn a film featuring severed penis touch football, oxy-acetaline decapitation, hip-daggers carved from human femur bones and lots of melting homeless people, the humor surrounding the rape and murder of a crime boss' girlfriend is surprisingly one of the least offensive parts of this film. A great movie all around.

I Spit On Your GraveThe Citizen Kane of Rape Revenge Films.

The Last House on the Left (1972)aka Charlie Manson vs. Mr. and Mrs. Brady.

Evil Dead TrapA late 80s Japanese horror film about a television news crew lured to a desolate location and brutally murdered one by one. Includes a baffling pillow-talk rape scene that takes place in the reporter's vehicle. There's that news van again.

Boys Don't CryConsidering that this is based on a true story, it is very unsettling that the immediate response of the young southern men in the film to discovering that one of their friends is a girl in disguise is to rape him/her.

Deliverance (1972)Ned Beatty on the receiving end of one of the most unfortunate pop-culture references ever.

Movie posterAn Honorable Mention for being a film notorious for the brutality of its rape scene despite the complete lack of an actual scene depicting rape.

Eye for an EyeSally Field listens to her own daughter being brutally raped by Kiefer Sutherland over the phone. Can you hear me now?

The Skin I Live InAntonio Banderas comes up with one of the most twisted, insane, and brilliant rape revenge plots ever. Trust me, just see it.

Blue Velvet"Don't look at me!"  

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Friday, August 12, 2011

The Moviesucktastic "Rape Films" List

A Serbian FilmImage via Wikipedia
In response to a recent viewing of the instant cult-status film A Serbian Film, the Movie Guys (Joey and Scott) dedicated the bulk of Moviesucktastic Podcast Episode #38 to rape scenes in popular and underground cinema. What follows below is a list of the films they named and discussed, posted on Moviesucktastic's Lunch.com Community.

The Moviesucktastic "Rape Films" List
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Film Critic Dictionary - "Breaking New Ground"

Actress Lena Nyman from the Swedish film 'I Am...Image via WikipediaI'm done with movie reviews that feel the need to state/complain that a film "doesn't break new ground." How many films have you ever seen that actually "break new ground?" For that matter, when was the last time an Oscar-winning film was truly and unequivocally "ground breaking?" What ground is there even left to break? Critics who feel the need to state that no "new ground" has been "broken" are just grasping for a way to either knock a film they didn't like but can't effectively trash, or apologize for a positive review of a film that isn't quite up to art-house film-snob standards. You want to "break new ground?" Try reviewing a film on its own merits without trying to size up its overall importance when measured against the history of cinematic expression. A film isn't any less effective or entertaining just because it doesn't transcend modern cinematic principles or push the envelope on narrative structures. Let's leave this arrogant phrase on the heap with "Popcorn Movie" and "Guilty Pleasure."
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Monday, August 8, 2011

Episode #39: Source Code, Skyline, Drive Angry

Movie nightImage by Andrei Z via Flickr
Episode #39 of Moviesucktastic is a cavalcade of random film reviews, as Joey and Scott do what they do best - ramble on incessantly about films they've recently scene. Among the films on their unplanned agenda are three films that have been regularly trashed by other film critics, but have somehow nestled their way into the hearts of The Movie Guys: Jake Gyllenhaal's time travel train ride Source Code, the ultra-low-budget alien apocalypse flick Skyline, and Nicolas "I'll Literally Do Anything" Cage's gritty comic-bookish car chase extravaganza Drive Angry. Thrill to amazement of listening to Joey and Scott talk about films they actually liked! You'll hardly believe your ears!


You can hear this uncharacteristically upbeat episode of Moviesucktastic on iTunes and Zune, or on Podcast Pickle, Podcast Pup and Pod Feed. If you are on the go, you can stream us on the fly directly onto your smart phone using the sweet-ass Stitcher App. And, as always, you can also download or listen to the show streaming at Moviesucktastic.com.

And while you're at it, be sure to drop us a voice mail on the newly acquired Moviesucktastic Hotline, 908-514-4470. Tell us how much you enjoyed the ending of Skyline. You know you want to.
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Friday, July 22, 2011

Episode #36 - Joey agonizes over Christopher Lambert's futuristic Beowulf

Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod (Christophe...Image via WikipediaWhen you find yourself reading classic literature featuring the heroic quests of knights and feats of uncompromising acts of valor and bravery, do they often invoke in your mind images of apocalyptic wastelands, techno music and gymnastics? Yeah, we thought you might.

Podcast Episode #36 is now live on the Moviesucktastic website, as well as iTunes, Podcast Pickle, Podcast Pup, PodFeed. You can also listen to us using our newest broadcasting provider, Stitcher, which allows you to stream your favorite music and podcasts right to your smartphone, iPad, or other portable device. That's right, we're EVERYWHERE! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!! Bow to our global domination and tune into Joey's latest solo episode as he covers the abysmally low-budget 1999 futuristic sci-fi adaptation of the classic Old English epic poem Beowulf.
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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Drive Angry: So good, you can almost forgive it for being in 3D.

By every stretch of the imagination, Drive Angry should be a bad movie. Low budget car-chase action flick with demons battling from hell on southern highways? I mean, it's even got Nicholas "Wicker Man" Cage in it. This should definitely suck. Then why is it so damned enjoyable?

Maybe it's because this movie comes right at you with the full intention of being everything that it is without even flinching, let alone apologizing. You want an action/horror flick with gunfights, explosions, foul language, car chases, and plenty of nudity to fill in the gaps? You've got it in spades. Drive Angry throws enough blood, bullets and f-bombs at you in the first ten minutes that it almost starts to feel surreal. In a market where most action films do their best to tone down the sex and violence enough to squeeze a PG-13 out of the final watered-down product, Drive Angry opens the floodgates and reminds the viewer what exploitation action cinema is all about.

You can't get too hung up on the plot: the film doesn't give you the chance. A brief glimpse of Hell as a maximum-security prison is all we get before a muscle car slams through the gates, and the next thing we know, Nicholas Cage is flipping trucks and blowing off body parts with a shotgun. The premise of a prisoner of Hell escaping o earth to save his granddaughter from being sacrificed by a devil worshiping cult is so basic that the film doesn't bother dwelling on it too long - Instead, it doles out ten-second portions of the minute-long plot summary throughout the film in between car chases and gun fights.

Much like the horror film Slither, Drive Angry is a film made by people who love films like this, and you can feel joy and attitude the filmmakers and performers poured into it with every action sequence and nude scene. The characters and action sequences are so stylized you would swear the film was adapted from a comic book, and I mean that in a good way. The writing isn't what you might call original, which is fine; you can tell the writer's are trying to make a fun movie, and not a groundbreaking cinematic treasure. But even the cheesiest lines in the film (and there are a few) manage to stifle the groans they should illicit, because you're just having too much fun to judge.

The performances are almost top-notch across the board. Billy Burke pulls off the charismatic cult leader Jonah King with enough malevolence to secure his place as the bad guy, yet keeps him fun and entertaining as well. When he says he's going to kill a woman then defile her corpse, you not only believe that he means it, you can tell he's going to enjoy it. Amber Heard would be otherwise unforgettable in her female sidekick role if it weren't for the writing behind her character, Piper. Piper isn't just a boring action film tough-as-nails female character; she is so deliciously white-trash and vulgar that you have no problem with her tagging along with an undead convict because she has nothing else better to do. Even Nicholas Cage gives a passable performance as he runs around looking like Kevin Costner's evil twin. Cage Haters will no doubt lambaste him for what might appear to be a wooden performance, but his refuge from Hell character Milton is purposely driven and dedicated to an almost humorously focused degree, and he acts as monotone and subdued as one might expect someone to be after spending a couple of decades hanging out in Hell.

But William Fichtner steals the movie as The Accountant who tracks down Milton in order to return him to his Hellish Cell Block. Fichtner takes a role that could have easily devolved into a pale imitation of Agent Smith from The Matrix, and turns it into the character you're always happy to see the minute he appears. He masterfully weaves subtlety and nuance into a straight-faced delivery that will have you rewinding his scenes just to see the expression on his face a second time.

Above all else, this movie is everything it sets out to be: a hard-edged, graphic action film that avoids melodrama and instead lets you know that it is having as much fun as you are. And you will have fun.





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Friday, February 18, 2011

The Minority Podcast

2011 seems to be the year for milestones and innovations for Moviesucktastic, as the latest episode of the podcast features yet another first for the show: Episode #27 is the first podcast in which Movie Guys Joey and Scott review a film actually sent to them for review by the filmmakers themselves.

360 Sound and Vision, an independent production company based out f New York, sent us a screener copy of The Minority, starring Billoah Greene and written/directed by Dwayne Buckle (aka D-Buckle). In the words of the promotional website for the film:
Hardworking African American citizen Jake Jackson is constantly subjected to racial biases, until he captures a wanted fugitive, then his luck changes.
At first, your humble podcasts hosts were concerned about the implications. Did these struggling filmmakers realize that our show was dedicated to talking about mostly bad movies? Did the understand what the "Suck" in Moviesucktastic stands for? We were worried that the production company's expectations regarding our critical input (or more precisely, output) might be somewhat excessive.

Even worse, we became concerned that agreeing to review their film would result in a moral dilemma: Never ones to trash a film just for the sake of being mean or spiteful, would we end up giving a boring positive review that would do little to entertain or inform our listeners, who depend on our bitter hatred for films that fall below our rather shallow artistic standards? Even worse, would we be tempted to violate our journalistic ideals and give a negative review to a film undeserving of critical scorn and derision?

Fifteen minutes into the film, we new they had made the right choice.


Listen to the groundbreaking Episode #27 of Moviesucktastic, and find out why it is not only the first episode to feature a solicited review, but the first to ever start with an apology for the review to come. You can download this momentous episode from iTunesPodcast AlleyPodcast.com or stream it directly at the newly updated MovieSucktastic.com website. And if you feel that our review of The Minority was unnecessarily harsh or unkind, be sure to let us know.
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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

There Are No Bad Movies, Just Bad Podcast Hosts!

Moviesucktastic Episode #26 goes live today, and with its release, two milestones in Moviesucktastic history are reached! Not only does this episode feature the first-ever Moviesucktastic Interview, it is also the first episode of Moviesuckastic to be released without an 'Explicit' rating! That's right; not only did we bring a fresh new voice and viewpoint into the MST domain, we also managed to prevent Scott from flinging vulgarities a F-bombs around for an entire recording session. The string of expletives he releases in future episodes will no doubt make up the difference. 

The multi-talented artist/actor/singer/writer John Dimes, aka Dr. Sarcofiguy (the first and only African American Horror Host), author of the books Coincidissonance and The White Corpse Hustle: A Guide for the Fledgeling Vampire, joined the Movie Guys via the latest high-tech, state-of-the-art phone conferencing technology (Scott propped his Droid X against the microphone) to discuss his latest book, There Are No Bad Movies! (Only Bad Audiences). In the book, John argues that all films merit approval on some level, and that people who nitpick and complain about the trivial flaws and minutia only distract from the overall entertainment value that the films are trying to provide. Proving to be both bold and brave, the author decided to give his pro-movie manifesto the ultimate test by offering up a review an interview by two people who seem to be dedicated to nothing more than trashing and complaining about films.

That would be us.

Armed with only his wit, charm, charisma, and an extensive knowledge of cinema, Dr. Dimes faced off against his mortal enemies in order to defend his position that film critics like Joey and Scott have only themselves to blame for the hardships they endure sitting through films like Alone in the Dark and Resident Evil: Apocalypse.

Surprisingly enough (or not so surprisingly - we can be nice guys as long as you're not a filthy Avatar Fanatic), Mr. Dimes and the Movie Guys actually ended up agreeing more than disagreeing. Whether obsessed with bad films or convinced that all movies are good, movie lovers are still movie lovers, and the common ground between these two opposing forces of film criticism proved to be as vast as the failure of James Cameron's Sanctum. What was meant to be a half-hour interview turned into an almost two-hour conversation about everything cinematic under the sun. Tom Cruise, Nicolas Cage, Star Wars, Troll 2, Dakota Fanning, nothing was deemed as off limits - until John listed Van Helsing as one of his favorite films. Joey and Scott politely bowed out in order to prevent the show from going into overtime, but promised to dedicate an entire future episode to their thoughts and opinions on that particular Hugh Jackman contribution to The Arts.

Fun was had by all in the end, and the differences in opinions were dulled by a mutual love of films, making for fantastic conversation and a great episode. We enjoyed having Dr. Sarcofiguy on so much, we are planning on holding him to his promise to come back on the show when his upcoming CD, Demo Demons, is finally released. Until that day arrives, be sure to checkout his book, and to listen to our lengthy interview with him in Episode #26, the John Dimes Interview Episode. You can download it from iTunesPodcast AlleyPodcast.com or streamed directly at MovieSucktastic.com. And if you happen to swing by Amazon and pick up a copy of John's book, be sure to let him know that the Movie Guys over at Moviesucktastic sent you.
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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Inception: Planting a Clue in Sandy Kenyon's Dreamscape

Dreamscape (film)Image via Wikipedia
Joey's Back!


That's right, faithful listeners! Last week, Joey was found huddled on his own doorstep in the morning, covered in sap, pine needles and blue face paint, vainly attempting to nurse the sports section of the Sunday Star Ledger in a feverish delirium. He has since been reunited with his family, and while it will be quite awhile before he is able to speak of his ordeal at the hands of psychotic Avatar fans (the recovery and deprogramming sessions are a slow and gradual process), he has recovered enough to come back and be a part of MovieSucktastic Episode #18!


With Joey in rare form and Scott in attendance, Episode #18 delves into the land of Nod, following the escapades of Dennis Quaid and Leonardo DiCaprio as they explore the deep recesses of the human psyche through dream exploration a quarter of a century apart in Dreamscape and Inception, respectively. While much is said and other topics occasionally intrude (Honestly, you can't shut these two up!), the quality of both films is discussed and dissected, along with their similarities and differences, and some theorizing as to who ripped off who (most of the votes go to Wes Craven, oddly enough). 


Differences of opinion also arise when Joey takes a turn in the Rant Chamber and goes on a mini-tirade against ABC Eyewitness News Film Critic Sandy Kenyon, who is apparently (and admittedly) one of the few people in the country stupid enough to be confused by Christopher Nolan's masterful and extremely straightforward screenplay. Also listed among his sins on the show is his purposeful misrepresentation of Inception's concept of the inner mind's dream landscape in an effort to back his "Too Complicated" complaints regarding the film.


The finger list also makes a long-awaited return, and Scott formally and publicly apologizes to the ticket girl at Becky's Drive-In for an unintentionally unflattering and inaccurate physical description of her in his review of Twilight: Eclipse.


Joey and Scott's heartwarming reunion can be listened to or downloaded from iTunesPodcast AlleyPodcast.com orMovieSucktastic.com. Sandy Kenyon can be mocked and ridiculed both directly or indirectly at ABC Eyewitness News.
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Friday, July 9, 2010

Bad Movie Review: Killers

The concept of a husband, wife or loved one leading a secret life as an undercover agent is nothing new. Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Grosse Point Blanke, True Lies, The Osterman Weekend, Undercover Blues, The In-Laws and many more have handled this particular subject matter. This isn't to say that this can't be done, but you always want to bring something new to the table. Unfortunately, Killers doesn't manage to do this. The real tragedy, however, is that it so easily could have.

The premise is easy enough to explain; Ashton Kutcher marries Katherine Heigl without revealing his past as a government-contracted assassin. She finds out the hard way, however, as their idyllic life is destroyed when people they considered close friends start trying to kill them. Hilarity ensues. For some reason the film feels the need to waste the entire first act setting up the simple premise of Kutcher and Heigl meeting and falling in love, instead of saving all of that for minor back story later in the film. You could miss the entire first act and still have no problem following the movie, and that is never a good thing. This waste of an opening act is made even more unbearable by Heigl's unappealing comedic overacting, and Kutcher's attempts at a suave bond-type voice that just manage to make him sound dubbed.

Heigl and Kutcher aren't unappealing actors, yet they never really manage to be endearing or enjoyable enough to carry you through the film. Other actors in smaller roles easily still the show whenever they share the screen with the lead actors, including Tom Selleck, Catherine O'Hara, and the Daily Show's Rob Riggle, who seems to get what a dark comedy should look like. If the filmmakers had followed Riggle's lead, they might have ended up with a truly fun dark comedy, instead of the light Forgetting Sarah Marshall with Guns that they decided to make.

Surprisingly, the one thing that Killers has going for it is its action sequences. The fight choreography is not only tight and captivating, but there is a really cool car chase through a suburban landscape that is actually impressive. Little flashes like this really underline the almost schizophrenic nature of the film. The action sequences show a desire to make a hard-hitting dark comedy about government assassins and deadly neighbors, yet the tame PG-13 violence and goofy RomCom antics reveal a desire to be the kind of breezy date film that Kutcher has already done repeatedly in the past.

This is where Killers ultimately fails, in its inability to seize the potential that the setting of the film affords. If the filmmakers had simply scrapped the useless introductory sequence of the first act, and had instead concentrated on building the world that would soon fall apart around the ears of the main characters, the film as a whole would have had much more to offer. Instead of just being an almost goofy comedy, it could have become a dark comedy with subtle commentary on the true nature and lack of intimacy of neighbor relationships in suburban settings, the duplicity of married life, the frailty of friendship, and the tenuous bond between in-laws. Instead, the film let's its own potential rot away on the vine while it goes for cheap RomCom humor and over-the-top mugging at the camera.

Still, Tom Selleck's mustache rules.
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